Maybe

This has been move to this location:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5885640/maybe_life_is_much_different_than_we.html

- Jeff Roney

Do We Really Need Dr. Phil?

It doesn't take to many times watching a Dr. Phil (or similar) show to realize that all Dr. Phil is doing is giving people advice that they may have heard before, but then didn't listen. You think, Why didn't these people listen to the good advice given by someone not hosting a TV show?

It's sad that people can hear those around them giving them honest, sometimes harsh advice, only to shun it and justify their behavior to keep moving forward in a dysfunctional funk for years and years.

I think we would do well to try listen to advice that may have be given in a harsh tone, a harsh way, etc, and take time to consider it. Sure, you may have to remove the person's slant or intent, but is the advice good for you?  It might be.

I only bring it up, because I don't want you to think of this when you are sitting on a reality show with a doctor, telling you the truth about your life (that you've already heard before), while the world (not just your family or friends) finds out about your issues. Just sayin'

Wife Swap

It's not what you think. I watch a few "reality" shows, and one of them is Wife Swap.

You know the routine, you switch two wifes from two completely different points of view, and see how each one reacts to the new environment.

I think life is a big switching show. Most families live in this "our world" bubble, where they set the tone, tules, etc in their life. Many times, it take someone from out if their bubble to come in and let them know there is a different world outside of their bubble. Alas, Christians (and I am one, too yes) rarely do well on this show, and I wince and prepare for the yelling and storming out of the final meeting room. It happens all too often.

We all have our credos, mottos and beliefs, but if you live in a bubble, surrounded by your credo and belief, you may miss out on the richness 'out there'. Life is a wonderful gift, but the more you see, share and help others out of the bubble, you will live a more enriching life. Some people feel that they will change if they are around people who think, live or believe opposite or differently than they do. The fear of "the effect" of others can drive you farther in your bubble, and you are, in essence robbing others of being effected by you.

I also worry about someone's belief, if they are so afraid it won't stand up to living outside of their bubble, and sharing it with others. If a belief is treated in such a fear-filled, protected life, it might need to be rethought. My opinion, of course.

My wife and I are sure the producers of Wife Swap will never pick us, because there isn't much drama putting us around those who believe differently than us. There was a time long ago, when there would have been, but not now. I am solid with my beliefs, but I also seek to love others and see what they believe, too.

Note: This isn't just about being a Christian or not. I only use the examples, because it is the lens I see it as. I could have easily used "Easy Going," or "Geeky Guy," as well.

Know Why You Are Changing

Change is hard. Humans can change, but it takes many different things to come together to help someone go from one place in life to another. One is to know why.

Why do you want to change? Is it for someone else? Is it for a short term goal?

or

Is it for you?

Remember that change is hard, and if you are changing for other people, they may not be there for you're entire journey. The reason is, only you really care strongly enough to change. Cheerleaders are there to cheer you, but only you know why you are changing.

My advice, write out why and keep it with you in your wallet or purse, put it up on a mirror, so that you remember. Tell yourself why everyday, because there will be plenty of times you will want to drift back to where you were, instead of walking the tough road uphill to where you want to be.

Remember Why, and Commit to Accomplishing the Goal.

The American Idol Moment

This will be posted elsewhere.

Who Surrounds You?

Who surrounds you?


As you begin your journey, we take a peek into your backpack that we assembled in an earlier post. In that backpack are things vital to your journey, but today we will discuss a few things that may be the most important of all; Cheerleaders, Partners and Accountability partners.


Cheerleaders


It is always nice to have people cheer you on. They are important. The positive influence as you begin a change in your life. Find them, cherish them, cheer for them, too.


Partners/Joiners


These are folks that join may join you in your journey. When someone begins a weight loss or fitness journey, there are many joiners, it seems. It is great to have someone coming long with you, sharing the experience, and making it easier for you, because you don't feel alone. However...


Partners also come with an out. If a partner lessens their intensity, you will feel like doing the same. Here is something you need to come to grips with right now -


You are doing this journey for you. If no one else joins you, you will still make the journey.


Many times partners/joins bring peer pressure, and if the pressure to stop, back off, etc comes up, you need to make the determination to continue. It is hard, but you are doing this for you.


Accountability Partners


I also call these folks, The Enforcers. I also want to say that the Accountability Partners are normally not either of the above two. Sure, it's not fun to have something call you when you have stopped your journey "for a few days," and the person on the other line says, "How's the journey going?" You could lie, not speak to them again, try to justify why your journey is different than most people's journey that is doing the same thing.


Here is the painful truth. Humans gravitate to the path of pleasure or least resistance. Rarely, is a person going to stick to a journey in which they will change a behavior, deprive themselves of something, exercise till their sore (on an on-going basis), etc, unless there is money involved, a huge event, or an Accountability Partner keeping them on the path. We would rather sit than run, play on the computer then learn on it, etc.


We need an enforcer to call us on the carpet. I know, I've started many things, and only a few I've kept up. Mostly, because its fun or enjoyable to me. Diet or fitness are neither. I need a Doctors chiding, or constant trips to buy bigger clothes to get me back on the wagon, and yet that won't keep me consistent, and that's why I'm adding this.


Keep in mind that the AP isn't committed to your goal, and may not understand exactly what you are going through, so fishing for validation to whine isn't a good idea. They are committed to help you get there. You will not like them, most of the time, but when you finish your journey, you will.


Put it all together


So, now we see who we need around us, so go find them, enroll them into your journey process, and get ready to begin.

It's Your Time. Take It.

Start at the Finish Line

So, we know have one goal in mind, excellent. Remember, I said to keep all the other goals around. For this site, I'd like for us to focus on one goal, and see how the thoughts and techniques will assist you in the progress of the goal. In the future, you can try out other goals with what we lay out here.

Now, think about your big goal. It is big, isn't it? Usually what we set out to do has some big importance to it, otherwise we wouldn't even attempt it. However, it still is a big goal, so let's break it down a little.

The Finish Line

The first thing we'll do is set a finish line. What is it? Can you track it? Can others see it, too? Set your finish line. If the goal is a bit difficult to set a finish line, like learn a foreign language, then add a "final exam," if you will to it.

For example, if your goal is to learn a foreign language, ask a friend to set up a small get together with friends that speak the foreign language fluently, so you can test your goal completion in a trackable way. Your'e goal may be different, but I wanted to give you an example.

Most people will choose weight loss. I strongly encourage you to check with your doctor first, they know you're health far better than ma, and they can give you guidance on what is best for you. Suffice it to say, a scale will help with the goal completion of weight loss.

Maybe its fitness. Check with you're Doctor before beginning any fitness routine. Maybe they okay you running a partial or full marathon.

- To recap. We know what we are doing (Our Goal), Where we are headed (Our Finish Line), but how long will it take?

Done By Date

This can be a very controversial, but along with a trackable finish line, you also need to set a Done By Date. As we go forward, you will understand that the date isn't written in stone, but at least it is there. Being there, is all that we need at this point.

Mini Goals

This is the most important part of it all. Remember, I was saying that your goal is big, and staying motivated toward a big goal finish line can be tough, so let's make it a little easier and create small mini-goals.

If your goal is weight loss, then set mini-goals every 10 pounds (or whatever you would like). That way, you can have little victory parties along the way, instead of waiting til the big victory party at the finish line.

Obviously, you will have to adjust your mini goals based on your goal. If it is learning a foreign language, maybe there are tests you could take as you progress through the process. More than likely, there is a booklet or workbook out there that can assist you in setting and tracking mini-goals.

So, final recap. For our goal journey, we now have;

1. Our goal in mind,
2. Our finish line,
3. Our Done By Date, and
4. Our Mini-Goals

Next week we have a bit more prep before we start, but we are very close to the first steps.

Life is like an Videogame

Sure, most people think that videogames are mindless, time wasting fun, but I humbly disagree.

Currently, I'm playing Oblivion, and the scenario for most games of this type are similar. You choose a character, which begins at a very low protection level, and start your adventure.

Facing Challenges

As you venture out from your protected castle/house, etc, you encounter vicious creatures, vicious situations or vicious people, and you need to make a choice. Do you run away, or face the challenges?

Running away seems an easy choice. Self preservation and no risk.

Stand and face the difficulty. Whether it is an injustice, personal struggle or saying no to something or someone, sometimes you need to stand and engage the difficulty. I joke that, "Sometimes you slay the beast, and sometimes the beast slays you".

Difficulty calls on many parts of us to survive in that situation. One of the most important is that we learn about ourselves in difficult situations. Maybe there is a strength deep within, that you never allowed to come out, because you never had the occasion to.

Do we always 'win', when we face and engage difficulties? No, but two things happen;

A. We learn what we can take, and
B. We get stronger.

To recap;

Running away from a difficulty saves you from confronting it, but there is no strength gained and learning how you react to it.

Standing your ground and facing difficulty can be unpleasant, and you may feel scared, but you will get stronger through it, and you will learn where you are weak and strong in those situations.

** Note: I am not saying that you should pick fights with people, be belligerent, aggressive or violent with people, and never walk away from a possibly dangerous situation. You and your support system, know your situation much better than me. There are times you must walk away, take a safe route, put things off til things cool down, or not confront because of safety issues, etc. My point is many of us (me included) make a habit of choosing the "people pleasing" passive aggressive, non-confrontational ways out of difficult situations.

Resting

Most games have a time when the character sleeps and rests, they are revived. Life is tough, and I believe that a good work ethic is vital, but don't forget to rest. Its good to just stop sometimes, clear your mind of the thousands of things that you are trying to keep up with, and rest. A car overheats if its run past its limits, and so it is the same with us. Try to allow yourself to rest. Even if its a few minutes during the day. Rest is as vital as sticking to fulfilling our goals.

You are not alone

Yes, most games have a Rambo approach, but some include a "group heading into a saga" element as well. In life or in a videogame, its tough to go it alone. The more we concern ourselves with others, the more we become stronger, because they are with us.

Your armor

You would never run into the battle of life with just a sword and no armor. You might last awhile, but not for a long while. An armor can be many things, but I hope these pieces of armor we use are tested to withstand the difficulties of life as it ebbs and flows. Many times we hold onto things that "used to work," or "that's what other people use," when we need to choose the armor that's best for ourselves.

Fear

Sometimes we hear something in the dark, or around a corner we have not rounded yet. Fear begins to take hold, because we don't know what the difficulty will use to battle us with. We have touched on the effect of fear a bit. Fear may cause us to back away, which might give the beast a clear idea that we are not sure of ourselves, and it will attack in a forceful manner.

Fear can be healthy, if is causes us to call on our strength in ourselves. We should never charge into battle, unprepared. We should carefully advance, know our armor, know our health limits, know our power, and know when to leave if necessary. With that careful engagement, fear has less of a hold, because we know who we are, what are limits are, what protects us, and we know what we are capable of. Obviously, there will be situations that surprise us, too, but the more we take these tiny steps of facing fear, the larger surprises will be less of a huge surprise.

Finishing

Have you ever finished a particularly difficult videogame? I have. I love to listen to the triumphant music and see the victorious words stating that I have completed all the tasks, beat all the enemies and difficulties, and I have won. It's a good feeling.

Many times we set a goal as "a good thing to do," but when times get tough, we let the goal go.

I hope as we talk about the process of choosing a goal, mini-goals, and meeting the challenges along the way, you will experience the feeling of finishing what you set out to do.

Focus

So, you have a list of what you want to be, to do, etc.


The list can be grouped around a theme; Health/Fitness, Knowledge, Financial, Business, etc.


Try to gather the list of items under more general groups.


Take a moment to do that.


Now, please choose one group. This is what we will focus on.


What items are in this list?


Choose one item from that list.


Now, let's break down the main goal into smaller parts. So, if you're goal is to make a certain amount of money, lose a certain amount of weight, etc, break those larger goals into smaller markers along the way. You can set dates if you want, but the key is to have markers that you will know you have achieved them.


Obviously, some larger goals include many parts to meet it (Making money needs ways to generate it, etc), so keep that in mind as we move forward.


I want to remind you, this site make no guarantee or promise that you will make money, or reach a certain goal. We will discuss methods that you can use in your journey toward the goal, and the rest is up to you.

Next time we will set the stage and discuss tools to get you started.

What Validates you?

Something to think about

val·i·date /ˈvælɪˌdeɪt/ Show Spelled[val-i-deyt]  

–verb (used with object),-dat·ed, -dat·ing.

1. to make valid; substantiate; confirm: Time validated our suspicions.

2. to give legal force to; legalize.

3. to give official sanction, confirmation, or approval to, as elected officials, election procedures, documents, etc.: to validate a passport.

portion taken from: http://dictionary.com/ 

What validates you? What makes you feel good about yourself?

A job? 

A position in that job?

A label you "wear"?

How much money you have? 

Who you are married to?
How large your family is?

How well youor your children excel in life?

How big your house is? 

Where you live? 

Fulfilling a timetable set by others?

How nice of a car you drive? 

What your friends think about you?

What people say about you to your face?

What people say about you behind your back?

How many people respond to what you do on the internet?

What you get out of groups you are a part of?

How you feel about yourself?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, you are not alone, but that's not the biggest question is - When was the last time you were happy with yourself?

Happiness and validation of who we are as people can have ties to the above answers.

The trouble is...

None of those about validations are stable. That aren't consistent over time. Not one. All those could change in a second, and if you use those as a barometer of your happiness, you will constantly ride on a rollercoaster of ups, downs, joys that don't last, and hurt that lasts far too long.

Do I have all the answers?

Nope.

I'm on this journey, just like you. I have good days and bad, like you, but instead of doing nothing, I want to do something.

Wanna know how I came up with this post? I see textual "screaming" of misplaced validation all the time, and I follow a whole lot of people, so its not just family, friends, Oprah and Ashton. I follow around a thousand people on many Social Networking platforms.

I see people on Twitter, Facebook, etc and in real life, reeling from the "rock" of validation that erodes like a sandcastle they hang onto in a storm. Their validation point collapses, then their worth collapses, and they are left with nothing but a Social network stream of calls for help hidden behind vague daily frustrations.

I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad about it, I actually want to help. The only way I can do that is to bring it out in the open.

So, what do you think about it? What can be done about it? Where can someone derive validation that is more stable than the above list?

Note: I'm not trying to get preachy, but I am a Christian, and many Christians I know suffer from the same validation rollercoaster. So, to me it cuts across the board of many varied beliefs or non-beliefs. Just sayin'

With all this in mind, this is an important topic to discuss. What should validate you?

Please share this with who you feel might add to or appreciate this post. Thanks.

What do you want to be or do?

As we begin this journey, we need to ask ourselves what we want. So, what do you want to be or do?

Don't answer to quickly. Most of the time we censor our answers based on what we think about ourselves, what others have said about ourselves, etc.

So, open your mind with the constraints, and answer the question, "What do you want?"

Think big, think in all areas of your life, think about what you want to do for others, think alot about it...

Then grab a piece of paper, phone with a notepad, etc, and capture all your answers.

They all are important.

We will do more with the list next time. See you then.

Beginning and a Backpack

Any journey begins with the first step. That is the beginning. The great thing about life is you can begin again and again, as many times as you need to.

If today is your new beginning, congratulations.

As you take those steps toward a new you, don't forget your backpack.

What's in the backpack, you ask?

Important items, to be sure.

The first is Magical Earplugs. Why magical earplugs? Whenever you start something new or you do something again, that voice in your head says, "You couldn't do it before, what makes you think you can do it now?" etc, etc. Whenever that voice starts to speak up, put in the magic earplugs. Anyone that did anything important didn't listen to the voice that makes you cower in the back corner of defeat. This time can be different, if you use the magical earplugs.

The second is an "I'm Not Like Everyone Else," medal. Remember that you are unique, and sometimes the path to a goal for yourself goes a completely different way than anyone else, it may take longer, but the path will be perfectly you. You are the best at being you.

Third is a Do-Over device. I'll bet you're asking, "Why talk about a Do-Over, when we are just starting out?" The reason is you know its there. Sometimes we put so much pressure of perfection the first time on a new journey, that we completely give up, if we mess up along the way. Never give up, but do use a Do-Over if you need to. Note: There are quite a few in the backpack for you.

Fourth is a Journal. You will have to supply this. It could be made of paper, electronic, etc, but try to capture how you felt along the journey. There will be highs, lows, success and do-overs, but all of those moments make up the journey, and you should capture it all down somewhere.

Fifth is power and control of your future. Many times we feel trapped in our situations, but know we have the power to make decisions that will control our future. You have that power and control. It's up to you, to use it.

Finally, is support. Not just me, but everyone who decides that today is the day to do things differently. Picture millions of voices in your backpack cheering you on. Even though you may feel alone, just know that you are not. We are here to give you options, advice and cheer you on your journey. We are here, but as you walk this new path, I hope you will find the strength inside yourself to realize that you can do anything you want to do, and today is a great day to start.

So, you have begun, and you have your backpack. Next time, we will talk about goals. Congratulations, here we go!

Who am I and What is This?

Hi, my name is Jeff (that is my awesome wife, Colleen in the picture, too), and I am the cause of all this here. I wanted to give you some insight to me, and what this is all about.

I'm a married, 40-something, creative guy, full of ideas, but needs to weigh less, be a better husband and feel comfortable meeting new people. That's me. There was a time that people like me would struggle, and no one would ever know, but that is so 1992.

I figured I would take this struggle of making Jeff, a better Jeff out into the blogosphere, and "Redo-You" was born.

So, this is part selfish, and part helpful. I want to help me, and I want to help others, too. I see people all the time that aren't achieving their full potential in life, and I can see what they can become, if they would just redo a little of their thinking, focus differently, make changes, and be who they were meant to be, it would be incredible.

Like the About Us page says, I'm not a doctor, psychologist, priest, dietician, financial manager, or professional anything, but I have made (and still make) lots of mistakes, and I care about people.

So, this is an experiment. I don't know how this will turn out. I don't have thousands of dollars to give to designers, pr people, writers, etc to make this site look incredible, and let Oprah know that I'd like to talk to her audience before she leaves her show.

All I have is me to create this, and I think that's all I will need. One person, being real, and helping other people. Big changes in life have started with less than that.

I see this site helping thousands of people, including me. Lofty goal, I know. Lots of work ahead, lots of failures and successes ahead, but why now? Because tomorrow never comes.

This is a safe place for you to be you, and for me to be me. Let's learn from each other and help each other Redo ourselves.

Heart of the Matter - You are Unique

You are Unique

In this planet of billions of people, you may feel unimportant, unheard, unnoticed. I want to remind you that in a sea of faces on this earth, you are unique and important. Do something for me, look at your thumb.

That's the proof that you are unique. Your thumbprint is like no one else. You may be a twin, or choose a hair style like someone else, dress like a celebrity you like, etc, but know this - you are uniquely you.

If I was to take a group of people to a county fair and ask them to tell me the one thing they noticed, everyone would give me a different answer. So, not only are you the only person that is uniquely you, you notice things that no one else does. If you were not here, we would miss out on so much. You are important to all of us.

Have you considered the fact that you being born is actually a miracle. So many couples I know are going to infertility clinics trying to get pregnant. Just the fact that you were conceived is a miracle. When couples become pregnant, it can be an anxious time during pregnancy. I know so many couples who have miscarried (including my wife), it can be a very anxious time.

So, when you were born, it was a miracle.

I know that some have health issues and challenges, but consider some incredible facts about your body;

• The muscles involved in focusing your eyes move around 100,000 times a day. If you wanted to give your leg muscles the same workout, you would need to walk 80km (50 miles) every day.
• It takes 60 seconds for one human blood cell to make a complete circuit of the body.
• It takes six months for each finger and toenail to grow from base to tip.
• Do you know what receives approximately 90 percent of all our information to our brains? Our eyes, making us basically visual creatures.
• In our body, the longest bone is the 'femur', in the thigh. It makes up almost one quarter of the body's total height.
• To contrast, the smallest bone is the 'stirrup', deep in the ear. It is hardly larger than a grain of rice.

I could keep going, but really take time to consider how amazing the human body we live in, is. You are an amazing creation.

No matter what your state of life is today. You may have health issues, relationship issues, job issues, financial issues, but know this;

You are Unique

You are Important

You are a Miracle

You are an Amazing Creation

With that in mind, how will it change the day you now have before you?

Tomorrow is something New

Tomorrow is a special day. Redo-You goes live. What is it Redo-You?

A place where we get a chance to start over, leave the junk behind and take charge of the future. You can;


Think better,

Feel better,

Act better,

Be better, and maybe

Make the world better in the process.


If you've given up,

Give yourself one more chance,

and see what happens.


We believe in you,
It's time for you to believe in you, too.

Are you ready?

Welcome

This is the new home of Re-do You. A place to take small steps of change to make you a better you. More to come, promise.