Who Surrounds You?

Who surrounds you?


As you begin your journey, we take a peek into your backpack that we assembled in an earlier post. In that backpack are things vital to your journey, but today we will discuss a few things that may be the most important of all; Cheerleaders, Partners and Accountability partners.


Cheerleaders


It is always nice to have people cheer you on. They are important. The positive influence as you begin a change in your life. Find them, cherish them, cheer for them, too.


Partners/Joiners


These are folks that join may join you in your journey. When someone begins a weight loss or fitness journey, there are many joiners, it seems. It is great to have someone coming long with you, sharing the experience, and making it easier for you, because you don't feel alone. However...


Partners also come with an out. If a partner lessens their intensity, you will feel like doing the same. Here is something you need to come to grips with right now -


You are doing this journey for you. If no one else joins you, you will still make the journey.


Many times partners/joins bring peer pressure, and if the pressure to stop, back off, etc comes up, you need to make the determination to continue. It is hard, but you are doing this for you.


Accountability Partners


I also call these folks, The Enforcers. I also want to say that the Accountability Partners are normally not either of the above two. Sure, it's not fun to have something call you when you have stopped your journey "for a few days," and the person on the other line says, "How's the journey going?" You could lie, not speak to them again, try to justify why your journey is different than most people's journey that is doing the same thing.


Here is the painful truth. Humans gravitate to the path of pleasure or least resistance. Rarely, is a person going to stick to a journey in which they will change a behavior, deprive themselves of something, exercise till their sore (on an on-going basis), etc, unless there is money involved, a huge event, or an Accountability Partner keeping them on the path. We would rather sit than run, play on the computer then learn on it, etc.


We need an enforcer to call us on the carpet. I know, I've started many things, and only a few I've kept up. Mostly, because its fun or enjoyable to me. Diet or fitness are neither. I need a Doctors chiding, or constant trips to buy bigger clothes to get me back on the wagon, and yet that won't keep me consistent, and that's why I'm adding this.


Keep in mind that the AP isn't committed to your goal, and may not understand exactly what you are going through, so fishing for validation to whine isn't a good idea. They are committed to help you get there. You will not like them, most of the time, but when you finish your journey, you will.


Put it all together


So, now we see who we need around us, so go find them, enroll them into your journey process, and get ready to begin.

It's Your Time. Take It.

Start at the Finish Line

So, we know have one goal in mind, excellent. Remember, I said to keep all the other goals around. For this site, I'd like for us to focus on one goal, and see how the thoughts and techniques will assist you in the progress of the goal. In the future, you can try out other goals with what we lay out here.

Now, think about your big goal. It is big, isn't it? Usually what we set out to do has some big importance to it, otherwise we wouldn't even attempt it. However, it still is a big goal, so let's break it down a little.

The Finish Line

The first thing we'll do is set a finish line. What is it? Can you track it? Can others see it, too? Set your finish line. If the goal is a bit difficult to set a finish line, like learn a foreign language, then add a "final exam," if you will to it.

For example, if your goal is to learn a foreign language, ask a friend to set up a small get together with friends that speak the foreign language fluently, so you can test your goal completion in a trackable way. Your'e goal may be different, but I wanted to give you an example.

Most people will choose weight loss. I strongly encourage you to check with your doctor first, they know you're health far better than ma, and they can give you guidance on what is best for you. Suffice it to say, a scale will help with the goal completion of weight loss.

Maybe its fitness. Check with you're Doctor before beginning any fitness routine. Maybe they okay you running a partial or full marathon.

- To recap. We know what we are doing (Our Goal), Where we are headed (Our Finish Line), but how long will it take?

Done By Date

This can be a very controversial, but along with a trackable finish line, you also need to set a Done By Date. As we go forward, you will understand that the date isn't written in stone, but at least it is there. Being there, is all that we need at this point.

Mini Goals

This is the most important part of it all. Remember, I was saying that your goal is big, and staying motivated toward a big goal finish line can be tough, so let's make it a little easier and create small mini-goals.

If your goal is weight loss, then set mini-goals every 10 pounds (or whatever you would like). That way, you can have little victory parties along the way, instead of waiting til the big victory party at the finish line.

Obviously, you will have to adjust your mini goals based on your goal. If it is learning a foreign language, maybe there are tests you could take as you progress through the process. More than likely, there is a booklet or workbook out there that can assist you in setting and tracking mini-goals.

So, final recap. For our goal journey, we now have;

1. Our goal in mind,
2. Our finish line,
3. Our Done By Date, and
4. Our Mini-Goals

Next week we have a bit more prep before we start, but we are very close to the first steps.

Life is like an Videogame

Sure, most people think that videogames are mindless, time wasting fun, but I humbly disagree.

Currently, I'm playing Oblivion, and the scenario for most games of this type are similar. You choose a character, which begins at a very low protection level, and start your adventure.

Facing Challenges

As you venture out from your protected castle/house, etc, you encounter vicious creatures, vicious situations or vicious people, and you need to make a choice. Do you run away, or face the challenges?

Running away seems an easy choice. Self preservation and no risk.

Stand and face the difficulty. Whether it is an injustice, personal struggle or saying no to something or someone, sometimes you need to stand and engage the difficulty. I joke that, "Sometimes you slay the beast, and sometimes the beast slays you".

Difficulty calls on many parts of us to survive in that situation. One of the most important is that we learn about ourselves in difficult situations. Maybe there is a strength deep within, that you never allowed to come out, because you never had the occasion to.

Do we always 'win', when we face and engage difficulties? No, but two things happen;

A. We learn what we can take, and
B. We get stronger.

To recap;

Running away from a difficulty saves you from confronting it, but there is no strength gained and learning how you react to it.

Standing your ground and facing difficulty can be unpleasant, and you may feel scared, but you will get stronger through it, and you will learn where you are weak and strong in those situations.

** Note: I am not saying that you should pick fights with people, be belligerent, aggressive or violent with people, and never walk away from a possibly dangerous situation. You and your support system, know your situation much better than me. There are times you must walk away, take a safe route, put things off til things cool down, or not confront because of safety issues, etc. My point is many of us (me included) make a habit of choosing the "people pleasing" passive aggressive, non-confrontational ways out of difficult situations.

Resting

Most games have a time when the character sleeps and rests, they are revived. Life is tough, and I believe that a good work ethic is vital, but don't forget to rest. Its good to just stop sometimes, clear your mind of the thousands of things that you are trying to keep up with, and rest. A car overheats if its run past its limits, and so it is the same with us. Try to allow yourself to rest. Even if its a few minutes during the day. Rest is as vital as sticking to fulfilling our goals.

You are not alone

Yes, most games have a Rambo approach, but some include a "group heading into a saga" element as well. In life or in a videogame, its tough to go it alone. The more we concern ourselves with others, the more we become stronger, because they are with us.

Your armor

You would never run into the battle of life with just a sword and no armor. You might last awhile, but not for a long while. An armor can be many things, but I hope these pieces of armor we use are tested to withstand the difficulties of life as it ebbs and flows. Many times we hold onto things that "used to work," or "that's what other people use," when we need to choose the armor that's best for ourselves.

Fear

Sometimes we hear something in the dark, or around a corner we have not rounded yet. Fear begins to take hold, because we don't know what the difficulty will use to battle us with. We have touched on the effect of fear a bit. Fear may cause us to back away, which might give the beast a clear idea that we are not sure of ourselves, and it will attack in a forceful manner.

Fear can be healthy, if is causes us to call on our strength in ourselves. We should never charge into battle, unprepared. We should carefully advance, know our armor, know our health limits, know our power, and know when to leave if necessary. With that careful engagement, fear has less of a hold, because we know who we are, what are limits are, what protects us, and we know what we are capable of. Obviously, there will be situations that surprise us, too, but the more we take these tiny steps of facing fear, the larger surprises will be less of a huge surprise.

Finishing

Have you ever finished a particularly difficult videogame? I have. I love to listen to the triumphant music and see the victorious words stating that I have completed all the tasks, beat all the enemies and difficulties, and I have won. It's a good feeling.

Many times we set a goal as "a good thing to do," but when times get tough, we let the goal go.

I hope as we talk about the process of choosing a goal, mini-goals, and meeting the challenges along the way, you will experience the feeling of finishing what you set out to do.

Focus

So, you have a list of what you want to be, to do, etc.


The list can be grouped around a theme; Health/Fitness, Knowledge, Financial, Business, etc.


Try to gather the list of items under more general groups.


Take a moment to do that.


Now, please choose one group. This is what we will focus on.


What items are in this list?


Choose one item from that list.


Now, let's break down the main goal into smaller parts. So, if you're goal is to make a certain amount of money, lose a certain amount of weight, etc, break those larger goals into smaller markers along the way. You can set dates if you want, but the key is to have markers that you will know you have achieved them.


Obviously, some larger goals include many parts to meet it (Making money needs ways to generate it, etc), so keep that in mind as we move forward.


I want to remind you, this site make no guarantee or promise that you will make money, or reach a certain goal. We will discuss methods that you can use in your journey toward the goal, and the rest is up to you.

Next time we will set the stage and discuss tools to get you started.

What Validates you?

Something to think about

val·i·date /ˈvælɪˌdeɪt/ Show Spelled[val-i-deyt]  

–verb (used with object),-dat·ed, -dat·ing.

1. to make valid; substantiate; confirm: Time validated our suspicions.

2. to give legal force to; legalize.

3. to give official sanction, confirmation, or approval to, as elected officials, election procedures, documents, etc.: to validate a passport.

portion taken from: http://dictionary.com/ 

What validates you? What makes you feel good about yourself?

A job? 

A position in that job?

A label you "wear"?

How much money you have? 

Who you are married to?
How large your family is?

How well youor your children excel in life?

How big your house is? 

Where you live? 

Fulfilling a timetable set by others?

How nice of a car you drive? 

What your friends think about you?

What people say about you to your face?

What people say about you behind your back?

How many people respond to what you do on the internet?

What you get out of groups you are a part of?

How you feel about yourself?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, you are not alone, but that's not the biggest question is - When was the last time you were happy with yourself?

Happiness and validation of who we are as people can have ties to the above answers.

The trouble is...

None of those about validations are stable. That aren't consistent over time. Not one. All those could change in a second, and if you use those as a barometer of your happiness, you will constantly ride on a rollercoaster of ups, downs, joys that don't last, and hurt that lasts far too long.

Do I have all the answers?

Nope.

I'm on this journey, just like you. I have good days and bad, like you, but instead of doing nothing, I want to do something.

Wanna know how I came up with this post? I see textual "screaming" of misplaced validation all the time, and I follow a whole lot of people, so its not just family, friends, Oprah and Ashton. I follow around a thousand people on many Social Networking platforms.

I see people on Twitter, Facebook, etc and in real life, reeling from the "rock" of validation that erodes like a sandcastle they hang onto in a storm. Their validation point collapses, then their worth collapses, and they are left with nothing but a Social network stream of calls for help hidden behind vague daily frustrations.

I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad about it, I actually want to help. The only way I can do that is to bring it out in the open.

So, what do you think about it? What can be done about it? Where can someone derive validation that is more stable than the above list?

Note: I'm not trying to get preachy, but I am a Christian, and many Christians I know suffer from the same validation rollercoaster. So, to me it cuts across the board of many varied beliefs or non-beliefs. Just sayin'

With all this in mind, this is an important topic to discuss. What should validate you?

Please share this with who you feel might add to or appreciate this post. Thanks.

What do you want to be or do?

As we begin this journey, we need to ask ourselves what we want. So, what do you want to be or do?

Don't answer to quickly. Most of the time we censor our answers based on what we think about ourselves, what others have said about ourselves, etc.

So, open your mind with the constraints, and answer the question, "What do you want?"

Think big, think in all areas of your life, think about what you want to do for others, think alot about it...

Then grab a piece of paper, phone with a notepad, etc, and capture all your answers.

They all are important.

We will do more with the list next time. See you then.